"I Wonder" Wednesdays: Snowmageddon

so, the east coast is buried in snow for the second time in less than a week.  Delaware is officially in a state of emergency, which means no one is ALLOWED on the roadways besides emergency vehicles.  Illinois had an earthquake this morning.  the fiance asked me if the world is coming to an end.  i replied, "yes."

i wonder...what might the end of the world actually look like?


*photos from my front door and deck

Memorial Flowers: Teddy Pendergrass

Teddy was great.  this clip is of him with Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes, but it's one of my favorites and a message that's still relevant.

rest peacefully, Mr. Pendergrass.

Global Garden: Haiti

i don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said.  in fact, i don't think i've yet wrapped my brain around the ramifications of the earthquake.  all i have is prayers and sincere hope that funds and assistance are swiftly and openly provided.

viva Haiti.

Flowers for the Garden: Corinne's Return

not only am i extra happy about Corinne Bailey Rae's return to music after the death of her husband.  i'm also so moved that her first single, "I'd Do it All Again" and its accompanying video are pure magic.





2010 is gonna be a great year for my ears and my soul.

be.  fly.
rhythm

Memorial Flowers: Alaina Reed Hall

*sigh*  i supposed i should've waited until the year was actually over to do a post for those who died in 2009.

Alaina Reed Hall, probably best known for her roles on Sesame Street and 227, passed away today.  according to What Would Thembi Do, her death is believed to be the result of complications due to breast cancer.

rest peacefully, Alaina.

Letter from the Garden: Dear Spirits

dear spirits,

the closer i get to christmas, the more i think about the fact that i won't be able to see my father this year.  i predict all holidays and birthdays will have this effect on me for a while.  since his death, i've struggled through father's day, my brother's birthday, my birthday, and thanksgiving.  i'm still adjusting to not being able to talk to him.  my, how i took that for granted.

while i was sitting here thinking of this, i thought of how many times i complained that 2009 was full of death.  i've gotten on the other side of that feeling for the most part, though i'm still anxious for the year to be over, as if somehow i'm owed a better 2010.  ah, entitlement.  i've digressed yet again.

i wanted to take a moment for those of you who transcended beyond this crazy world this year.  at the risk of sounding crazy, i call on some of you for strength and guidance the way some folks call on patron saints for help in certain situations.  i appreciate being able to do that.

so, today i honor you.  some of you were made famous for your service and your talent.  some of you weren't well-known at all.  but all of you were somebody's somebody.

love,
rhythm


sistergarteners:  i'm posting some of the famous spirits who passed away this year.  it's a moment to remember, and perhaps to learn something you didn't know about a few of them (homework!).  please feel free to use the comment space for remarks on any of them or anyone else you wish to honor.

John Hope Franklin

Bea Arthur

Ernie Barnes

Dom DeLuise

Ed McMahon

Michael Jackson

Farrah Fawcett

Steve McNair

Frank McCourt

E. Lynn Harris

John Hughes

Eunice Kennedy Shriver

Sen. Ted Kennedy

Dominick Dunne

Adam "DJ A.M." Goldstein

Johnny Carter

Patrick Swayze

Flowers for the Garden: Bonnie Raitt

timeless song about unrequited love.




-rhythm

"I Wonder" Wednesday

i wonder when it will sink in that MJ is gone.  it's been about 4 months since his passing, and there's still a surreal element to that fact.  at least for me there is...

Broken Boys

broken boys*

leave his casket open.
let the world see what it did to him,
creating a face even a mother couldn't recognize
couldn't know again
post his picture.
not the way his mother presented him to the world
but the way the world sent him back home
battered
ugly
bloody teardrops
missing teeth
aborted heartbeat
made-for-TV horror flick
no, not that station; the other
candle blown out by his city's harsh realities,
much deadlier than its wind
let his broken limbs
tell of how society couldn't arm him against its ills
or brace him against crippling odds
we build broken boys
of splintered wood
2x4's that beat them down could have been their brothers
with strings attached
but they instead are weapons
with matching boxes to be buried in
boxes that should be left open on display
for us to see what we've done
what we've done
to our boys
for even less than whistling
emmett's horror tilled this land
for an even uglier fate.

*for derrion albert

9.29.09

Living a Legacy

the month of june was full of death. it probably was no more than any other month, but when one loses her own father and the king of pop within a matter of weeks, loss seems magnified. and there were, of course, the deaths of farrah fawcett, ed mcmahon, and billy mays as well. i'm almost afraid to turn on the morning news at this point...

for a number of reasons, mj's death affected me tremendously. initially, i was shocked. soon after, i realized i was so physically, mentally, and emotionally drained from the death of my father that i didn't even have space to mourn michael as i might have otherwise. it's a bizarre feeling to not really know where i fall on the spectrum of fans reacting to his death.

i realized something else while indulging in the persistant michael mania (music and videos, not the media melee that immediately ensued). it was as if everything i had been feeling over the previous 3 weeks was now being shared by people all over the world. the sadness, confusion, loss, and celebration and appreciation of life were almost universal. and then a deep sadness came over me as it occured to me, i felt such an overwhelming sense of loss when my father died, and i'm an adult. what must mj's children feel like right now? and i realize young children lose parents all the time, but unfortunately, these children are also targets for the same kinds of people that sought to take advantage of their father. but i digress.

at some point between mourning and celebration of both of these men, i began to think about legacy. hearing my father's family and childhood friends recount stories of him helping them in some way introduced me to a side of him that i certainly recognized but couldn't have appreciated in that way; i knew him as my father, not much as a man independent of that role. i began to think of how people will remember me when i'm gone...what character traits will stand out the most to them? and examining the impact mj had on the world in his 50 years of life begged the same questions, but regarding my contributions to art and humanity on a larger scale.

i haven't come up with any answers, but i'm determined to do just that in the way that i live.

Shining Down

you thought i was down...you thought i was gone...thought i wasn't around...that i left you alone....but look up in the sky. just look up in the sky. see that i'm everywhere, everywhere...shining down on you. ~matthew santos on lupe fiasco's "shining down"

it's been a while, sistergarteners.

to put it mildly, my garden has survived a storm over the last couple of weeks. my father died. in a quest to accept the reality of this loss, i've made an effort to avoid all the euphemisms that come with death. because i'm still in the phase of not really believing the finality of it all. i still get the urge to pick up the phone to check on him, and i still sometimes think, "well what if..." and try to finish the sentence with some possible way for me to see him again. and not in heaven. i mean here on earth. yes, my brain is still adjusting.

fortunately for me, i've had an amazing group of family, friends, poets, and colleagues tending my garden while i was unable to. one of whom, perhaps still unaware of my loss, sent me a leaked lupe fiasco song called "shining down." the hook sounded like an answer from my father to a question i had been asking him all day. and i'm learning to accept that answer.

i'm not nearly far along enough in the process of healing to give any sage advice, nor am i the type to give advice, sage or otherwise. but i always find solace in the most interesting places, so maybe someone will find it here.

meanwhile, i'll be looking up in the sky.